Window
by AutomaticHeartache
Summary: Benson is unsure of herself around the new ADA, Alex Cabot, but soon finds her voice when a case involving an outspoken politician and a familiar victim challenges her views on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. A/O beginning fic. On indefinite Hiatus, Sorry.
1. A Beginning

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**WINDOW **

**Chapter 1:**A Beginning

Pain. What a way to start a day. Begrudgingly, the groggy detective pushed back cold sheets and sitting up, massaged her temples. She squinted one eye open, then the other, gaging the brightness of the light streaming in through drawn shades. Sighing heavily she glanced over at her alarm, still softly crooning The Beatles tune that had nagged her awake. Slapping the snooze haphazardly, she wrestled with the idea of calling in late to work in lieu of catching a few more Zs and trying to rid herself of this pesky headache, but decided to take the high road as she swung her legs out of bed and willed herself to stand. Clutching her aching head she sauntered into the bathroom and groped for some painkillers.

It was her own fault. She should have seen this hangover coming from a mile away. Celebrating the successful closing of a case with a round of drinks at a local haunt had always been something she had enjoyed, but the events leading up to her inevitable morning-after hangover took on a new twist when their newest addition to the SVU team joined them in their post-case celebration. Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot had been with them for several months now, but had never seen fit to join them before last night. Frankly, everyone was a bit shocked.

Fin had actually choked and sputtered some forgettable expletives as he jerked his head in the direction of the door and tried to find his breath. The detectives looked up and Olivia craned her neck to see what had caused Fin such surprise. There, looking majestically out of place and perhaps a bit bewildered was their ADA. Olivia was dumbfounded, her heart jumped into her throat and the room grew hazy. She made a mental note that she was done for the night, telling herself the alcohol had gone to her head. She had encountered similar reactions during previous meetings with ADA Cabot, but always managed to excuse them away blaming lightheadedness on not eating and a quickening of her pace to the excitement coming off an interrogation. The truth was, Alex made her nervous, but she wasn't ready to admit that to anyone, least of all herself.

The evening proved to be entertaining, though a bit constrained. It was true that Alex had been with them for more than a few cases and shown herself capable of not only handling the cases, but holding her own while butting heads with the often stubborn detectives, but that didn't mean that seeing her in the musty bar wasn't a surprise. The guys –Elliot, Munch and Fin– who always had a great time cracking jokes and getting rowdy, seemed to be on their best behavior as soon as Alex pulled up a chair. The jokes were more mild, the humor less crude. And as for Olivia, she usually kept right up with the rest, playing it fast and loose with the rest of the guys, but tonight, all she could do was make comments in passing and nurse her beer. She couldn't find her tongue. She caught herself clutching the bottle and staring over the rim at the charming ADA.

She couldn't help but agree with Fin's appropriate reaction when Alex came into the bar. Alex looked…amazing. She was always so put together, a perfect jigsaw of finely tailored suits, seemingly made just for her tapered waist and showing of her sleek legs which ended in perfectly coordinated shoes. Tonight was no exception. Olivia let her eyes drift around the table but couldn't resist letting them rest once again on the carved alabaster features framed by silky blonde hair. She let a light sigh escape her pursed lips, which seemed to attract the attention of her companions. She didn't notice their quizzical glances until she felt a quick kick under the table.

"Ow! Elliot! What the f..." she trailed off noticing all eyes on her. She felt a blush start to rise and blossom in her cheeks and hastily excused herself. "Um...I need...I'll be right back..." Olivia headed toward the bar and when she was sure her tablemates were back to their own conversation made a quick left and darted into the restroom.

Pushing open the door she found herself in front of the mirror. "What the hell just happened? Pull yourself together!" She gripped either sides of the porcelain sink and leaned in close to the mirror, knitting her brow before giving the tap a quick twist and splashing some cold water on her face. Rubbing her eyes, she groped for a paper towel. When her hands had found it and she had patted her face dry she opened her eyes to a very statuesque woman smiling coyly, hands on hips.

"Alex!" Olivia was obviously startled, "what are you...how did you..." Olivia struggled to find the words. Her skill of conversation seemed to be failing her tonight.

"Ever the cunning linguist, Liv" Alex raised an eyebrow and looked smugly at the flustered Detective. "Elliot saw you bee-line it in here and asked if I'd check on you." Olivia bit her lower lip and looked utterly uncomfortable. _Great_, she thought, _Now Cabot thinks I need a babysitter, Thanks El_. Suddenly the room felt small and Olivia could feel the heat rise in her face once more. "I'm fine" she exerted, "Really. It just got a little...warm."

Alex looked thoughtful, weighing Olivia's words carefully. She took a step toward Olivia. Her hand caught the Detective's wrist and she kept her eyes low, as if watching her hand act of its own accord. "Well, I hope everything's okay. I was really enjoying your company..." Alex let her words trail off as she raised her eyes to meet Olivia's. Olivia's breathing became forced, as if Alex had taken all the air in the room. She grew conscious of Alex's light touch of her wrist and upon meeting Alex's eyes quickly withdrew it. Butterflies.

_What's am I doing? What is she doing?_ Olivia screamed in her head. Alex saw the panic flash in Liv's eyes as her hold on the Detective's wrist was broken. "I really...I mean...I have to go." Liv couldn't breathe. The room was closing in and she had to get outside. Now. She edged around Alex and hastily pushed open the door, leaving the blonde ADA alone in the restroom. She rushed to the table and absent-mindedly tossed out a twenty as her partner raised an eyebrow. "You okay, Liv?"

"Fine, El. Fine. I'm fine. I just...I need...I'll see you tomorrow." She grabbed her leather jacket off the back of her chair and rushed out the door. Once outside, she let herself fall against the brick apartment building next door and sucked in the air she so desperately needed in the moments prior. She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. With her back against the wall she doubled over, and wrapping her arms around her abdomen let out a frustrated sigh before hailing a cab.

As she slipped her legs into the cab and absent-mindedly gave her address to the driver she glanced back at the doors of the bar. She could almost swear she saw a flash of blonde, the woman in the doorway watching the cab as it shrank into the distance.

This morning all Liv had to show for her frustration was a nasty hangover and the notion that she'd have to deal with a potentially awkward situation with a particular ADA.

* * *

"Ah, looked who just blew in, fellas!" Chimed a more than amused John Munch from behind an open manila folder, "It's the SVU phantom! Where'd you head off to last night, Liv?" Olivia winced inwardly as she had not registered the ribbing she'd have to endure for skipping out last night.

"Hot date," She said coyly, playing along. She had found it better to indulge than divulge as it were, "with a bottle of water and some aspirin, my friend. Though I must admit it didn't do me much good." She emphasized this last point by rubbing her right temple. Just as Munch was about to reply, Cragen came barreling out of his office.

"Liv, My office. Now." Liv sighed at his harsh tone. He was chipper this morning. "And where's Elliot?" She shrugged hotfooted it after Cragen to his office. Cragen shut the door behind them. "Where's Elliot?" He echoed himself.

"Dunno. Haven't seen him yet, just got in."

"Well, fill him in later , this can't wait. We just got handed a new case by homicide, and this one's a doozy. I want you and Elliot to go over and check out the scene, pronto. Looks like it may have been contaminated, so be thorough. Be careful. The press will be all over this one and I want us to be able to say we're covering all our bases. Are we clear, Detective?"

"We're clear. But why all the "to do?" I understand that cases handed to us by homicide take special precident, but why is it priority one?" Olivia was used to getting the rundown from the Captain, but something in this new case seemed different. There was something he wasn't telling her.

Cragen paused as if wrestling whether or not to disclose this information. "Homicide got a call around midnight from some seedy hotel saying they had a dead pro in one of their rooms. Said somebody better do something about it cause they have more customers coming. So their guys get over to this place and they find the girl lying in a tub, covered in blood dripping from gashes in her wrist. There's blood everywhere, this place is a real mess. The scene looks too staged, so it's not immediately ruled as suicide. They take a closer look and find signs of a struggle..." He paused. "And fluids on the vic not to mention pretty much everywhere else you can think of. They found multiple prints, but so far nothing has come up in the system. They sent the fluid sample to Warner and she should have results later today."

Liv looked quizzical. "Cap, this all sounds awful and we'll get right on it, but I don't see what all the fuss is about."

Cragen's eyes drooped at the corners, "What's going to make this so difficult is the room was rented under the name "Mitchell Kensington" who doesn't exist, we ran it. But what we did turn up was that Mitchell Kensington is a known alias used when Randall Newsome stays in a hotel here in New York."

"Randall Newsome..." She knew that name. "Oh my god! You mean that sleazy new politician that wants to run for congress who's been splashing his name and his views all over the Times?"

"The very same" Cragen looked a bit distraught at Olivia's obvious tone of displeasure.

"Oh. I'm going to enjoy taking this guy down." Olivia knew it was unprofessional, but the way this guy was thinking, he'd have everyone living in a homophobic, anti-feminist, jingoistic society, where women belonged in the kitchen and men belonged in their smoking jackets in a private club. She couldn't wait to get started on this case. First she'd need to find Elliot. And maybe later she could even hunt down Cabot and apologize for her behavior the night before.

Her day was starting to look a whole lot brighter.


	2. Count On It

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**WINDOW **

**Chapter 2:** Count on it

The blonde ADA slouched low in her chair. Posture was obviously not one of her concerns at the moment. She wrinkled her nose at the stack of papers strewn in front of her. She let out a sigh as she pushed her black rimmed glasses back up her nose and propped her chin in one hand. This was rather a daunting task, certainly one of the biggest she's had to deal with since joining SVU. A flashy new politician involved in the brutalization of a young girl. It was just the scoop that would have the press salivating like Pavlov's dog, sniffing around and begging for scraps.

Begging. She let her mind wander to the night before and hoped she wouldn't have to beg the detective for forgiveness at causing her such blatantly obvious discomfort. What had happened last night? Had she come on too strong? She was fascinated by the detective to say the least, but thought she had her desire in check. She didn't want to do anything to jeopardize what she hoped would become a real friendship with Olivia, even if it meant stifling her strong feelings of longing for something more than simple friendship.

Olivia. Thoughts of the detective crossed her mind and a smile crept across her lips. Some days at SVU were harder than others, but seeing Liv was always a joy. She didn't even mind going head to head with her when the occasion called for it. She enjoyed the challenge of trying to hold her ground while Olivia tried to shake the foundation of the case they were working on. It was amusing…she was completely captivating.

Alex was no less than smitten. It wasn't very often one would find such a fascinating woman in their line of work. The other detectives and uni's were tough and Liv was no exception, but there was more there than brute force and sheer will to her detective. Alex had seen it briefly in their first case involving a child. At the sight of their vic, Olivia's eyes softened and her voice became a stream of dulcet tones that could lull and angry cougar to sleep. She made comforting gestures and revealed the beautiful soft woman under the tough cop exterior. Now that Alex thought about it, Liv showed the same kindness to all their victims. She could comfort a victim one minute and deliver a crushing blow to a perp the next without batting an eye. She was amazing.

Alex mused over her opinions of the detective, wondering if she showed the same force and care in every aspect of her life when her ears perked up at the sound of a knock at her door.

"Come in" She called absent-mindedly, as she scrambled to shuffle the papers on her desk so as not to suggest she had let her mind wander so far off course.

"Hi, Alex." She knew that voice even before she raised her eyes. Her pulse quickened, and she froze mid-shuffle. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle...I can come back." Once more Liv seemed to have lost all powers of all articulation. Must be the hangover, still lingering; her headache now no more than a dull beat pulsing every so often. Her eyes met Alex and a lopsided smile found Liv's lips as she contemplated the ADA swimming in a sea of paperwork, glasses slightly askew. "So I guess you heard about our new case," she said, motioning to the pile of potential paper cuts monopolizing Alex's desk.

"Yeah. I couldn't wait to get my hands on this one," she said, honestly. "If we can nail this guy, I will be all too glad. I've been secretly hoping for this all along. Newsome is a real piece of work"

Olivia raised an eyebrow at the ADA's frank comments on the potential perp, she wasn't used to Alex sharing political and social opinions in reference to a case. "Oh, I know that was uncalled for, but Newsome is a special breed of scum. I've had the pleasure of being harassed by him on more than one occasion. Political parties and what not." She said offhandedly. Olivia's temperature rose and her face heated at the though of Newsome any where near Alex, let alone "harassing" her at one of the many social functions attended by politician and socialite alike. "The way he was acting at mother's benefit, you'd think I had refused him a kidney. Doesn't deal with rejection well, that one. He made that quite obvious the next time we met and the time after that. Thinks he's god's gift..." Alex realized she was babbling and noticed the detective looking distinctively green around the gills.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I got carried away." She regretted that she had once again made the detective uncomfortable. She wanted nothing more than to see Liv smile and had been unable to do so for quite some time. It seemed that lately her effect on the detective was quite the opposite. "Which reminds me...about last night, I'm sorr…"

"No, don't," Live interrupted Alex's apology. "It was my fault _I'm_ sorry. You didn't do anything. I was...well...I wasn't myself. Really. I was really glad you came." Olivia said, carefully meeting the ADA's eyes, trying to gage her reaction. _Good, Liv. Good._ She reassured herself. Alex rose to her feet, pushing the chair out from under her. She beamed trying to suppress a laugh at how obviously nervous Olivia was in regards to her own admission. Alex leaned over the desk a bit, feeling the electricity in the air and the faintest clean scent that lingered around the detective.

"I made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you...I mean...If I did anything to...I'm sorry too." Alex groped for the right words. She struggled to convey her meaning. "I don't want to give you the wrong impression. It's just" she paused, considering her words carefully. It was true she cared a great deal for Olivia and that her desires weren't completely platonic in nature, but now was not the time for girlish games and confessions of love. Now was the time for building bridges. She continued, "Since coming to SVU I haven't really had any other women to talk with. These cases get tough and sometimes you just need someone to talk to. I though that maybe we could...I don't know..." She couldn't find the words to say what she so desperately wanted: a friend. She could settle for that right now.

"I know what you mean." Olivia's eyes met Alex's once more and then dropped as if fascinated by a piece of lint found on her sleave. She opened her mouth and words just fell out, "Would you like to get lunch later." _What the hell did you just say!?_ She screamed. Her brain had not quite caught up with her mouth. "This new case is going to be tough and sometimes it helps to have a friend who knows what you're dealing with."

"That'd be nice, Detective."

"Nice." Olivia rolled the word on her tongue and looked down at her hands.

"Now, to business! I know you didn't come in here just to make nice with the new girl" Olivia smiled. _Alex doesn't know how close to the truth she is_.

* * *

"Where are we with the Newsome case? Details people, and sooner, rather than later. Munch, go" Cragen was itching for an update as he grilled his detectives for details on their newest case.

"Vic's name is Tawny Davis. Age 23. No known next of kin. She was found in the bathtub of the Palmdale, your typical rat hole. Her wrists were slashed. She was dressed like a pro, but dental records and other factors seem to contradict that idea."

"Other factors?" Cragen raised an eyebrow hoping this wasn't just another one of Munches conspiracy theories.

"Yeah. They found a necklace in the room: white gold, engraved. "Tawny, all my love. D. No leads on who D is, but we're looking at having it appraised and seeing if we can't nail down a buyer."

"Fin, go"

"I checked in with Warner, she says there are two different types of DNA in the sample we sent over. CSU confirms that there are two sets of prints besides the girl's in the room. We're checking the system, but nothing's turned up yet."

"We're talking about a high-traffic motel frequented by pros and dealers. Are we sure those prints are connected to our vic?" Cragen countered.

"The prints lifted by CSU were all over the room. And they were made with the girls blood. We're sure they're connected. Oh, and another thing. Warned found bruising on her thighs, hips and neck and lacerations on her stomach. Our girl was raped, and strangled. She was slashed after she was already dead to make it look like a suicide."

"Hey!" cried a voice from behind as Elliot and Olivia strolled into the station house. Elliot mocked offence, "starting the party without us?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, what'd you get from Newsome's secretary.

"Not a whole lot" Liv sighed looking disappointed. "Newsome was in DC trying to rally support as some political dinner. We confirmed his stay and his alibi sticks. He was at the part all night. Some other of his "fairer" collegues put him there getting tipsy and playing it fast and loose."

"And when we say it, we mean it." Elliot chimed in. "This guys was on every woman at this party, and apparently they all had something to say. If it wasn't him with Tawny, I bet we could nail his ass on a couple of these other..."

Cragen cut him off, "Speculation isn't going to help us nail him for _this_." He tapped the picture of a brutalized young girl, bloody wrist hanging limp over the edge of a bathtub taped to the glass next to a stock photo of Newsome. "What about the room? Anything we can go on?"

"His secretary assures us he didn't know anything about any room and that – what was it? Oh, yeah, 'any use of Mr. Newsome's alias must be merely coincidental.'"

"Naturally we believed her." Elloit passed of the comment with a sarcastic smirk. "Something's going on, and we'll figure it out. You can count on it."

Liv shared her partner's skepticism, but right now the only thing she could count on is a pleasant lunch with a certain ADA.


	3. Racing

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**WINDOW **

**Chapter 3:** Racing

Olivia practically tripped over her own feet scrabbling out of the stationhouse. _Shit_. How could she have gotten so carried away? She had been checking the database for any possible connection to Tawny Davis to try and keep her mind off of her impending lunch with Alex.

"_Jesus, Liv! Gotta hot date or something? Your watch isn't going to sneak off your wrist, so you might as well do something more productive than stare at it all day" Elliot cocked a suspicious eyebrow at his obviously impatient partner. "Or just leave now."_

_That got her attention._

"_Naw…its just…nevermind. I'm gonna go check the system and see if I can't nail down a next of kin for Tawny. Warner should be done with the body soon and they should know."_

She had gotten so entrenched in her task she completely neglected her watch. That is until her partner comment on the fact that she hadn't glanced at it for quite some time. She had grabbed her coat and barreled out the door, only to hear Elliot throw a "Where's the fire?" at her back.

Now she was late. How could she be late? Oh well. The perks of having a friend who understood the job, right? Isn't that why they were having lunch at all? They both needed a friend. A friend who understood. Right. Olivia brushed her hair out of her face as she stepped of the curb in front of the stationhouse. She reached for her cell and hit the speed dial. Understand. How could Alex possibly understand how she felt? She didn't even have a firm grasp on her own feelings. She…

"Cabot…" the sultry alto broke Liv's concentration. "Hello? This is Alex Cabot." _Shit. Say something_. Liv was batting a thousand today, to be sure.

"Uh…Sorry. This is Liv. Please tell me your not sitting alone waiting for me." _Smooth Liv. Real smooth._ "I'm sorry. That didn't come out right. Sorry, Alex. Are you there already, because I'm late…and I'd hate it if you were just sitting alone…I'm such an idiot."

"No, please. You're fine; I'm just leaving, myself. I was going to call you and say the same to you…I guess we're even." Liv could hear the smile in Alex's voice even over the phone. She was filled with warmth and relief.

"Good. I'd hate you to think I had stood you up." There went her mouth, running off without her once more. She punctuated this comment with a nervous laugh and hoped that it sounded like a joke between friends rather than a genuine confession.

"Very funny, Liv. Somehow you don't come off as one who would stand a girl up." Cabot quipped. "I'll take my chances though, if you'd still like to make good on our date I'll be at Rosie's in about two minutes. Maybe I'll see you there?"

She was teasing. Liv felt the heat rise in her cheeks. Did Alex know what she was doing to the detective? Her banter was deliciously flirtatious. Olivia had always been so careful to skirt around this type of friendly innuendo. Her friends would jest and she would politely abstain. They though she was a prude, but really it was her own way of not blowing her cover, in case one of them caught on that there was more to her words than simple banter. She never encountered this problem with the guys at work, but then again, why would she? She never had to fear that they might interpret one of her more colorful comments as a cleverly masked come-on. She was treading in dangerous waters for so many reasons.

"Liv? You still there?" A voice chirped in her ear.

"What? Yeah. Two minutes you said?" She paused as Cabot confirmed. A smile crept across her face and a twinkle danced in her eyes. "Race you!" she hollered into the phone, after which she promptly snapped it shut and shoved it into her pocket. She took of down the street at a steady jog, determined to hit the café before the ADA, knowing full well that Alex would be impeccably dressed in heels and didn't stand even the ghost of a chance. Olivia smiled as she ran the few blocks to Rosie's, the local haunt of beat cop and court officer alike. She rounded the final corner, mentally rehearsing what to say to Alex when she clicked into the café when something stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Now detective, that just wasn't fair, and you know it." There stood Alex Cabot at the entrance of the café, phone in hand. She was dressed not I her usual finely tailored suits, but rather a rather clingy tank top with coordinating running shorts and shoes, the final and perhaps most intriguing part of her ensemble was the smug grin curling at her lips. "And when I say it wasn't fair, I mean it wasn't fair to you."

Olivia caught a glimpse of mischief flashing in the blonde woman's eyes and stood bent over slightly, hands on knees, trying to catch her breath. The detective wasn't by any means winded from her run, but rather by the sight of Alex standing before her in an outfit that would put her most beautiful suit to shame.

Cabot's hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, which left her shoulders open, fodder for the wandering eye, Olivia could not ever remember seeing such a stunningly statuesque woman in all her life. From her neck and perfectly carved collar-bone – whose outer-most edges met the tight tank top, clinging to the ADA in the most becoming fashion – to her sculpted legs that seemed to go on for days, stemming from her distractingly short running shorts ending in perfectly coordinating running shoes, Alex was nothing short of jaw-dropping. Olivia stood completely flabbergasted, and she was not the only one, she noted, as other heads craned to get a look of the rather stunning blonde.

"Wow Liv. I though you guys had to keep in shape. You're a bit out of shape, there." Cabot crouched down to meet Olivia's eyes. She let out a giggle and Liv almost choked on what little breath she could muster.

"You…What? How?" She choked out. The detective finally seemed to be getting enough air to stand up straight. She smoothed her jacket and looked inquisitively at the smirking woman before her.

"Don't be sore at me Liv. You didn't let me explain why I was late. I was on my weekly run. I forgot I had it scheduled when we set up our lunch date. I run every Wednesday at lunch with a friend from homicide. I had the unfair advantage."

"Aw, I'm not sore." She obviously was. Cabot had beat her at her own game, it made her a bit flustered to say the least, not to mention stirring up other feelings she had rather hoped not to have to deal with. Liv had seen the smug grin Alex was sporting numerous times in court, but it had never been directed at her. She felt warm all over and her heart jumped into her throat. She noticed Alex looking uncomfortable at the frustration Olivia was masking poorly. Liv shifted her attitude toward the prospective lunch ahead of them. "No worries kiddo, let's get you some lunch. You look like you're wasting away." Alex led the way into the café and Olivia lingered behind her stealing a less-than-quick glance at Alex and her little running shorts leading the way. Oh god. This is so. Not. Fair.

_Friends. That's all. Nothing more_. Olivia mentally chastised herself, but she couldn't take her eyes off Alex.

Alex glanced quickly over her shoulder and followed Olivia's distracted line of sight downward, she was quietly pleased at her obvious effect on the detective. Maybe she hadn't been so misguided in her advances the other night. Even so, that was not what this lunch meeting was about. It was, after all their first. And Alex was determined to make it the first of many. She was determined to share many firsts with Olivia; but for now, lunch was enough.

She led Olivia to a small booth and motioned for the detective to sit. A waitress brought menus and water with the promise to return shortly to take orders. Olivia gulped down some water and laid her menu on the table and began to study it thoughtfully. Alex took this opportunity to observe the detective. Olivia seemed to glow; the air around her seemed to become electrically charged. Alex could feel her heartbeat quicken. It rang in her ears as she looked the detective over and she wondered if Olivia could hear it. All of a sudden she realized that Olivia had looked up and now met the ADA's gaze. Liv gave a lopsided grin. "What?" she smiled at Alex.

Roses bloomed in Alex's cheeks. "Nothing."

* * *

"Liv. Liiiiiiiiv…OLIVIA!" A voice snapped Olivia back to reality as she practically fell out of her chair. She had been daydreaming, mulling over the conversation she had had not an hour earlier. Lunch had gone beautifully. She and Alex talked non-stop about anything but work. It had been…wonderful. She can't remember the last time she had had such an easy and pleasant conversation. They went over fodder from the rumor mill, talked about books and music and generally took a break from reality. All that was over now and Olivia was jerked suddenly into the present by a nagging voice issuing from her partner's mouth.

"Wha? Sorry, El. Zoned out. What's up?" She was a bit hazy still, but reality was upon her so she adapted accordingly.

"We found a next of kin for our vic. Or rather, she found us." Elliot replied. "Name's Lucy Maguire."

Liv looked up, finally drawn into the situation, her interest piqued by the mention of what she had been caught up in earlier in the day. "Mother?"

"Naw, she died a while back" It was Fin who replied to this crossing from the doors to his desk and taking a seat. "Cancer. Her name was Maureen Deacon."

"Deacon?" Olivia was perplexed. "Why don't she and Tawny share a last name? Is there a father in the picture?"

"Step father," Piped Munch following his partner and taking a seat as well. "Maureen married Paul Deacon four years ago.

"Okay, so he should be notified. He can I.D. the body, right?" Olivia asked.

"Doesn't want anything to do with Tawny. Says they weren't close. Didn't agree with her 'lifestyle choices.' Vibe I get? As soon as Maureen died, Deacon severed all connection with Tawny." Fin scoffed. "He lives in Jersey and won't even come over to pay his last respects. Says God passed his judgment and she got what she deserved. Real nice guy."

Liv's face contorted into scowl. "So who's Lucy and what 'lifestyle choices' did Deacon condemn?"

"Looks like the answer to those questions is one and the same." Elliot paused know this information might make the case personal for the detective. "Lucy Maguire was…is Tawny Davis' fiancé. They were domestic partners."

Liv swallowed hard. Most cases got to her, but some hit harder than others. When cases like this came up, she was constantly forced to deal with her own 'lifestyle choices' as they were being referred to, and was often torn; not in her opinion of herself but rather by her dwindling faith in people to accept other's differences and react with something other than fear. "Okay," she rasped. Her voice seemed to have left her. "Okay, so we know this was a sexually motivated crime, so we can't rule out that her sexuality contributed to her rape and murder."

Cragen, who had been overseeing the interaction between his detectives decided to interject. "Okay people, lets move on this. I don't want to say the clock is ticking, but we've got a high profile politician involved and I'd like some information before anybody even thinks 'hate crime,' okay?" He looked a bit flustered. "This is important. Use discretion. Liv, Elliot, you're meeting miss Maguire at Warner's in an hour. Use kid gloves. Nobody loses their cool or they're off the case." He eyed Liv for a moment and moved on. "Munch, Fin, find out to whom our mystery prints belong. They're not Newsome's and the sooner we get him outta the spotlight, the sooner we can settle this case on our own terms. Get going."

They were off like a shot.


	4. Let Go

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**WINDOW**

**Chapter 4:** Let Go

Delicate fingers clutched lightly at the sleeve of Detective Benson's jacket, the leather creaking and sighing slightly under the pressure. Olivia heard a slight intake of break as the lights flickered on and through a thick plate of glass she watched the Medical Examiner, Melinda Warner draw back the pale sheet to reveal the face of their most recent victim.

"That's her…That's Tawny. Oh god."

Liv felt the grip on her arm tighten then suddenly go slack and quickly reacted, swooping to support Lucy Maguire as she faltered. Lucy hung in Olivia's arms like a rag doll; the only indication of life was the occasional heave of the sobs now emanating from her grief-stricken form. Benson nodded to her partner in the room behind the glass as Warner pulled the sheet back up. Olivia wrapped comforting arms around the young woman and walked her, unsteadily, over to a chair; sinking down, still clinging.

It had been less than ten minutes since they had been introduced, but Lucy Maguire had struck a chord with the detective; she resonated with something deep within. Olivia looked the girl over trying to define just what this something was. Lucy was no more than twenty-five, shorter and, had current circumstances been different, very attractive. Her auburn hair was pulled into a short shock of a ponytail and her dark brown eyes were shrink-wrapped with new tears to follow those that had already carved a path down her olive-blush cheeks. Now her compact body was drawn up on the chair and she simply rocked, hugging her knees to her chest and shaking her head in disbelief, the frequent stray tear trailing down the salt-chapped cheek.

"It sounds stupid." Lucy whispered. Olivia jerked her head at the unexpected sound of the girl's voice. For the first time in a long while, Olivia had no words of comfort to offer, so just cast the most sympathetic gaze she could on the young woman. "Stupid…" Lucy repeated, almost to herself. "At least I know. I know…I would rather know than just be left wondering."

Olivia cocked a manicured eyebrow. "Wondering?" The detective was uncertain how to proceed, so did as best she could.

"Where she was. It's worse…not knowing. Where she is. You think: is she safe? Is she…alive?" At this point Lucy broke down once more and Olivia put a comforting hand on her shoulder before pushing off to go and meet her partner, leaving Lucy for the briefest of moments. Elliot Stabler greeted his partner just before she reached the door. They knowingly regarded one another and spoke of the situation at hand, their voices hushed.

"She's taking it pretty hard. What did Warner say?" Olivia hissed in a whisper.

"Same thing Fin already told us, Tawny was slashed post mortem, rape kit positive, and severe bruising a lacerations. Says she was killed in the room, so it wasn't a staged dump." He hesitated, "Do you think we'll be able to talk to her," he jerked his head inconspicuously toward Lucy, "anytime soon?"

"Dunno, why don't we drive back to the station and from there we can take a quick statement from Lucy, then I'll drive her home." She glanced over at Lucy, drawn up into the chair. Her eyes glistened and she seemed to realize that the detective had left her and looked about in a frenzy before briefly locking eyes with Olivia. "She's been through a lot. We need to be gentle, this will only get harder…for everyone." Olivia spoke those last words only partly for Lucy, wincing inwardly, and never breaking her gaze with the girl, even as she addressed her partner.

* * *

Letting her partner drive, Olivia opted to sit in the back with Lucy, now a deadweight slumped, exhausted, against her shoulder. Pondering this new weight, physically and emotionally, her thoughts turned inward. This case was forcing her to bring up parts of her life she was more than happy to let lay dormant. She had been successful, so far, with her attempt to keep her private life private, and though she had tried to convince herself that this was all for the best, her resolve was being slowly but surely shredded. She had decided that the job was all she needed, as long as she had that, she didn't have to deal with people, with feelings and all the combinations of the two therein. She could burry all those feelings she never dealt with. If they rose to the top there was always some new case to weight them down again, or push them aside. She was running from herself and, as was the trend lately, she was losing.

Lucy forced her to look at her life with scrutiny. She got worked up over this case, and for good reason: it struck a little too close to home. The guys never really talked to her about her love life, but they got the gist of things after all the failed attempts to set her up with what's-his-name from homicide or vice or wherever. They didn't ask, she didn't tell. She didn't date anyway, so what did it matter if she dated women or men. The choice was never a factor, so it was never really made clear. Don't ask, don't tell. Work was her one great love, and that was enough…wasn't it?

She had learned this the hard way. When she was still in her first years in the academy she had met a woman with whom she shared some of her more memorable nights. Rebecca…Rebecca Hendrix. They were still young: rookies. They had gravitated to one another quickly forging more than just a solid friendship. Olivia had fallen. Hard. She had always known she was attracted to women, so her relationship seemed normal to her. Natural. It just felt right. With Rebecca, things were not as simple.

While Olivia wanted to shout of her newfound love to all the world, Rebecca was hesitant to make their relationship public. The force could be hard on women trying to make it in a "man's world." She kept telling Olivia that she wanted to make it on nerve, determined to have a perfectly unblemished record. She didn't need the guys on the force leering and making rude gestures and she certainly didn't need their forced smiles and plastic kindness. So she stayed decidedly, indefinitely, in the closet. Things were very different for the future SVU detective. When they were together, Olivia didn't think about politics of the academy, her head was clouded with the complete elation of finding what she could only describe as love. When they were together all Rebecca could think about was "DYKE" scrawled in red permanent marker on the file that would follow her around for the rest of her career. It filled her with resentment and fear. When word got around that Hendrix and Benson were "fucking", the rumors flew and more than a few colorful words were spat at the pair in passing. Tolerance, though preached and taught, was not practiced by many of their peers. Rebecca became insolent, ornery; Olivia became confused.

Olivia looked at their situation as an opportunity to strengthen their relationship, to face down adversity, hand in hand. In the end, Olivia stood alone. Rebecca was so ashamed of all the rumors and the prospect that this one "mistake" --she had yelled this at Olivia; that was all her love was in the end, "A stupid mistake!"-- would haunt her for the rest of her career, that she ended up dropping out of the program to pursue a career in medicine. Olivia was heartbroken and swore off not only relationships, but also any sort of discussion thereof when work was a factor, regardless of whether the subject was male or female. Since her life was her job, work was _always_ a factor. It was easier to be alone. Then, at least, no one could hurt you. But that didn't stop her from hurting…

"You okay?" A faint voice drew Olivia back into the present as she blinked back the tears she hadn't realized were streaming down her face.

"Yeah…yeah. Fine…" She said, still in a haze. They were in the sedan out in front of the stationhouse. How long had they been sitting in the car? _Pull it together, Liv. You can do this._ Liv gently retracted an arm from behind Lucy Maguire and realized that her passenger had fallen asleep, the last hour or so had been a rather exhausting ordeal. Lucy stirred and turned puffy, slowly waking, eyes up to Liv.

"Today has been pretty hard. I don't want to draw it out any more than I have to." Elliot's voice was low and gentle when addressing Lucy, "I have to get a quick statement, and then one of us can take you back to your apartment, if that's alright?" He was at Lucy's door, extending a hand to her. Lucy broke eye contact with Olivia and grasped Elliot's outstretched hand, pulling herself from the car. Olivia was left alone for a brief second before Elliot stuck his head in.

"Come in whenever you're ready. I can take care of her," He cast a sympathetic look on his obviously flustered partner, "why don't you call it a day?" The brown-eyed detective nodded absent-mindedly before sliding across the seat and emerging from the door Elliot had left ajar. She wandered into the stationhouse and found her way to the women's restroom and, locking herself in the last stall, hugged herself and began to cry, silently, at first but then with great heaving sobs, sinking to the ground and holding her face in her palms.

She hadn't noticed the creaking of the door or the clicking of heels coming to a halt in front of her stall. The door swung inward, and there, a lithe blonde woman beheld a woman of stony resolve crumbling before her eyes. ADA Cabot had never seen her detective like this. _Her detective_… And without even thinking, was suddenly on the floor beside her. Alex knelt beside the dark-haired woman, who, having run out of tears was simply shaking. Olivia looked up, recognizing, for the first time that she was not alone and a frenzied look crept across face. Alex noticed this change and brought soft hands to capture Olivia's face. Her thumbs wiped the remaining tears from under the detective's eyes and her fingers wove through Olivia's short, brown hair. Detective Benson gave a self-conscious sniffle and at that moment, Alex did something completely out of character: there, kneeling on the cold tile floor, she drew Olivia into a tight, solid hug.

While a new wave of emotion hit Olivia and tears again began to flow, she was stung with the realization of what was transpiring. The woman she would not allow herself to care for, the statuesque, composed blonde was kneeling on the floor of a bathroom stall in a suit that probably cost more than Olivia could make in three months…holding her. Just holding her. Olivia gave into the sensation. She let herself go as she cried, once more, uninhibited, on Alex's shoulder.

Alex too had to stop and consider her actions. When Elliot had mentioned that Olivia was a bit shaken up, Alex was off like a shot looking for her. Finding her here on the floor, vulnerable and in need, it was all Alex could do not to simply scoop her up and cradle the detective in her arms. Wrapped in an embrace and happily accepting Olivia's tears, Alex let her emotion get the better of her. She held tight…tighter, and felt the older woman relax into her embrace. Slowly Alex pulled them both to their feet. "Let me help you home," Alex breathed gently, Liv's face still buried in her now tear-stained neck. A brunette head rose slowly from a soggy shoulder and nodded consent, as Alex lead them out of the stall.

After a quick splash of water from the nearby sink, Alex had gathered their things, hailed a cab and in a blur, Olivia found herself at the door of her apartment, fumbling with her keys, still half leaning on the younger ADA. Upon entering, Alex took in her surroundings and remarked, "Okay, you got us here, now let me do the rest." Alex led Olivia across the living room and down the hall she assumed lead to the bedroom.

"Here," Liv croaked and indicated the door on her right. Alex led Olivia through the door to the bedroom. She released her hold on Olivia and let her rest on the edge of the bed.

"I'll give you some privacy…" the blonde ADA said lingering over the interior of the bedroom, "Why don't you change and I'll make you some tea." With that Alex turned on her heel and left the room. She laid their coats across the back of the couch and busied herself in the kitchen, poking around for tea bags and mugs, and trying hard not to think about Olivia changing in the next room. After the tea was made, she stripped off her now tear and mascara stained blazer, putting it with her overcoat and went to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth for Olivia.

* * *

Olivia was just settling back onto the bed in a tank top and a pair of NYPD sweats, when she heard a soft knock at the door. She gave the all clear and Alex pushed open the door, bearing two steaming mugs of hot tea and a washcloth draped on her arm. She had taken off her blazer and was wearing a well-tailored light camisole with her charcoal skirt. She placed the mugs on the nightstand and paused for a moment, with washcloth in hand.

"May I?" She asked referencing the edge of the bed. Olivia nodded and the young blonde sat down on the edge of the bed facing the detective. Slowly Alex brought the washcloth to Olivia's tearstained face and the detective sighed, melting into the warmth. Alex was gentle and the touch was almost more than Olivia could bear. "Alex…" she let it escape from her mouth without thinking, "I…there's so much…I just…you wouldn't..." Olivia was getting worked up, wanting desperately for Alex to understand. The younger woman just smiled and gave a look so intensely empathetic, that the detective simply gave up, sinking back down into the pillow and eventually drifting to sleep, the sensation of Alex's soft touch on her face still lingering in her dreams.


	5. Dreams

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**WINDOW **

**Chapter 5:** Dreams

_No words. No words had been spoken in the past few minutes, only the breathing, ragged and shallow, was audible over the rustle of sheets around twisting bodies. Alex writhed under the attention of wandering hands, tracing lazy circles across her bare abdomen. She shifted and inhaled sharply as these same fingered lingered for a moment before trailing a dangerous path to her aching core. Alex breathed out heavily, her icy blue eyes finding the deep brown of those staring down, directly above her. She was losing herself in their dark depths as her hips thrust involuntarily, meeting those of her love. Those self same wandering fingers had found their mark and, parting her folds, slipped, one, two, inside her, fulfilling her greatest need and desire. She let out a short moan and groped for her partner,desperate to capturethose full lips hovering just above with her own; aching to connect before she came closer to going over the edge... fingers thrust inside her andAlex desperately grabbed the back of her lovers neck, fingers sifting through short brown hair as she drewhungry lips down to meet her own. The thrusting increased in pace... it was more than she could bear, she fell out of their kiss and, falling over the edge, could not help but call out, caught up inblinding ecstasy…_

"Olivia…"

"Alex? Alex…Alexandra!"

Alex stirred slightly as she became vaguely aware of someone shaking her gently. She roused and opened her eyes to meet the soft brown of those she had left only seconds before.Theeyescurrently gazing into her own, though, were no dream. The room was dark, but light seemed to emanate from the dark haired detective who was leaning over her. Hair mussed and eyes puffy, Olivia was wrapped in a wine colored throw, her face captured with concern. Alex shifted under the intense gaze of a groggy but attentive detective. _Olivia_…_Oh god_…

"I'm sorry I…"

"You were calling my name." Olivia cuther off. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I mean yes. It was just a dream." _Just a dream,_ she mused silently to herself. Suddenly she took in her surroundings and the fact that she had fallen asleep on the detectives couch hit her rather abruptly. She became aware of her barely skirted legs and untucked camisole and clutched at the green throw wrapped about her ankles, trying to cover her less than professional appearance. "I'm sorry," She swung her legs around and off the cushion, "I didn't mean to encroach, I just assumed I could…" Alex gestured, indicating the rumpled cushions on the couch still misshapen from her sleep. "I should go. I just…I didn't want to leave you alone." Alex choked the last few words out, hoping they sounded concerned rather than saturated in desire. She paused, waiting with baited breath for a response.

Olivia drew the shawl tighter around her square shoulders. "I'm glad you stayed. I can't say I'm not embarrassed about falling apart like that," She shuffled uncomfortably a bit in the silence and lifted her eyes to meet icy blue, "I'm glad you cared enough to help put me back together." Olivia could feel her ears burning and could almost imagine the roses blooming in her cheeks as she drew inward, embarrassed by her own admission.

Alex sat up a little straighter, "I just helped pick up the pieces is all. But I'm glad too." She reached up and caught Olivia's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Her eyes were locked with the detectives own; Alex could sense the storm raging within, just below the surface. Her gaze lingered, perhaps a bit too long. With a start, her sense of propriety returned and, dropping Olivia's hand, she rose from the couch and smoothed out her hopelessly rumpled top.

"Well, I should get going. Elliot and I are meeting with Lucy in…"she glanced around the dim apartment for a clock, "four hours, and I look a mess!" Alex twisted and strained trying, to get a better look at herself. Noting the ADA's humorous concern, Olivia's demeanor changed and she greeted Alex with a lopsided grin. Though the blonde obviously had her "game face" back on, there was something different, something easier in her actions. She was joking, relaxed. She was comfortable. Alex chuckled at the state of herappearance and greeted Liv's grin with one of her own. Noting one another's disheveled appearance, the two women couldn't help but laugh.

"Thank y-," Olivia began, before Alex cut her off. There was so much she wanted to say, so many questions. She wanted nothing more than to sit and discuss the goings on of last night. All the emotions tied up in Liv's involvement with the Davis case...not to mention their slowly surfacing involvement with one another. But Alex didn't think she could deal with all that just now. She stepped on Liv's words, hoping to squelch the temptation to further extend the emotional torrent that was the previous evening.

"Thanks for letting me crash on your couch. I haven't done that in ages! Not since…" she trailed off for a moment, "lets just say it's been a while!" She smiled. Olivia nodded and stepped in closer to the beautiful ADA, invading her personal space. She then slowly uncurled her arms and delicately wrapped them around Alex in a gentle hug.

"Thank _you_, Alex…thank you." She whispered into a pale sculpted ear. "Can we talk later?"

Alex felt a shiver run down her spine as she nodded, absentmindedly. She pulled, reluctantly, from Olivia's embrace and stumbled about the apartment as she gathered her things. Her cheeks were flushed and she seemed altogether quite flustered as she headed toward the front door; the detective simply stood and observed. At the door Alex faltered. She turned back to Olivia… Olivia, who, even in pajamas and horrible bed-head, was a vision; haloed in the ambient light from the streetlamps, creeping in through shuttered windows. Alex yearned to stay with her. To lead her back to the bed, to wrap her arms about Olivia and stare into those dark eyes until all her pain was gone. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind and, turning the knob, gave a curt nod. "Detective."

"Counselor." With that she slipped through the now ajar door and was gone.

* * *

Four hours later Detective Stabler pushed a weak cup of coffee toward the less than sparkling ADA. She was sitting across from him in the desk usually occupied by his partner. Alex barely registered her hand raising the mug to her lips; just the warmth and the pleasant caffinated after-effects. 

"Rough night?" Elliot cocked an eyebrow and gave that lopsided grin she had seen so many times on Olivia. Alex chuckled inwardly at the similarities between Benson and her, now curious, partner. "You drove Liv home yesterday, right?"

"Right." Alex felt as though she shouldn't divulge too many details but she resented the look on Detective Stabler's face and wanted to set the record straight. " She was a bit of a wreck and I didn't want to leave her alone, so I crashed on her couch." She paused, contemplating how to steer the conversation away from the previous evening. Though she had now worked with SVU on several cases, her standing with detective Stabler was rocky at times and she was less than enthusiastic to be having this conversation with him in the first place. Everyone on the squad was protective of Olivia, but none more than her partner. She shrugged, " I don't know how I did it back in college. Guess this means I'm officially getting old." She gave him a weak smile and went back to nursing her coffee. Elliot just pulled out the Davis file and he and Alex began to go over the information on the current case until the captain interrupted them, flanked by Lucy Maguire.

Alex rose to greet the young woman, extending a hand and introducing herself. Lucy caught Alex's hand and squeezed it, looking her square in the eye. Lucy was slight, small. She was a good head shorter than Alex, but her presence overwhelmed the older blonde woman. Her reddish hair was cropped just above her shoulders and fell in loose finger waves. Her eyes sparkled with the hint of new tears and her face, lightly dusted with freckles, was obviously stained with salt and light tracks running from her eyes where pain had cut its salty path. Her lips were drawn tightly as if to keep any words from spilling out. Alex held onto the girl's hand now limp in her own and, wrapping an arm around Lucy's shoulder, lead her into one of the interrogation rooms.

"Is this alright? We could go up to the loft outside the crib if you think it'd be more comfortable." Elliot suggested.

"No. This is fine. I just want to get this over with." Lucy said, sinking into the chair Alex had pulled out for her. Elliot sat across from Lucy with a pad of paper and pen and the blonde ADA was adjacent to the both of them, standing at the head of the table.

"Okay Lucy," Elliot practically sighed, "Whenever you're ready."

Lucy glanced back and forth from the detective and the ADA. "What am I supposed to say? What do you need to know?"

"Whatever you feel comfortable telling us." Alex spoke softly. "We would eventually like to know what happened Saturday night, or rather what you know about that night," she took a breath, "but we don't have to start there."

Lucy took a Kleenex from her purse and began wringing it in uncomfortably fidgeting fingers. "We don't have to start there…" she repeated, letting the words roll over her tongue. Lucy then took a deep breath and began to tell the detective and ADA all she could about the love she lost.

* * *

"Did you send Lucy home?" Captain Cragen poked his head into the conference room. The room had been converted into a makeshift base of operations for the Davis case. Folders and papers were strewn about the table and the telltale white board had been wheeled in and was now covered in pictures and lines, spinning the delicate web of connections Lucy had provided. 

"Yup. Maltby and Shire drove her. They're making sure she's all set." Elliot rattled the answer without even looking up.

"Well?" Cragen stood expectantly. When he was met with no reply from the three detectives, Stabler, Munch, and Fin, he pressed, "Any of you mind telling me what we found out. I was kind of expecting an update."

"Sorry Cap, Lucy gave us the ball, so we just had to run with it." Fin tossed out, his nose buried in paperwork.

Munch looked up. He gave the Captain a sympathetic smirk and began, "Lucy and Tawny met in college at Hanford, and when they graduated they got a small apartment together. Nothing big. The usual couple-y stuff." John clutched at his skinny red tie loosening even more than it had been already. "Lucy said Tawny grew up in Philly, she and her mother moved here about six years ago when her mother got transferred. Mom worked for some accounting firm, which is where she met Paul Deacon, Tawny's stepfather." Munch, apparently satisfied that he had adequately contributed, took a seat and tagged Fin to keep the story going.

"Real piece of work, that one." Fin picked up where Munch left off. "He basically waits until after the wedding to kick Tawny out of the house, saying that he doesn't agree with her lifestyle, even though he knew she was gay before her married Maureen, Tawny's mom." He handed a sheet of paper to the Captain. "Tawny's shocked, and hopes to get support from Mom, but by this point Mom's been diagnosed with cancer, that's spreading all over he body."

Cragen glanced at the document in his hand. The hospital record for Maureen Deacon. "For a while Tawny lives with Mark Deacon." Elliot chimed in.

"Deacon?" Cragen asked, surprised.

"Deacon, as in son of Paul Deacon. Tawny's step brother, Mark, lives in alphabet city. He's an artist and was apparently also kicked out by Paul as a reward for coming out in his formative years." Elliot looked up, annoyed.

"Do I detect a pattern?" The captain glanced at the board with the photos and the spindles sprawling out from Tawny's picture, dead center of the web of names and evidence.

"Religious fanatic and yeah, we're checking into the father. Don't worry." Elliot answered the captain's unasked question. "So she lives with Mark until she can get housing at school. She's on scholarship already so housing's not a long shot. She meets Lucy, they hit it off and you know that part of that story. What we were curious about was this little bit of info." Elliot directed the captain's attention to the upper right hand column of the board. Next to the line connecting Tawny to her mother was a line to a question mark.

"Tawny's father?" Cragen drawled. He looked to his detectives and back at the board.

Munch rose once more. "Lucy said that in the last month Tawny had been very agitated. Said she had received a cryptic letter from her mother's attorney. Lucy didn't know what it said, but she found this on Tawny's nightstand." Munch pulled out a plastic evidence bag from the banker's box on the chair. "She said it came with the letter."

Cragen took the bag from munch and stared at it's contents. In the clear plastic bag was a delicate silver chain. And on the chain was

"A key?"


	6. Waking

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**WINDOW **

**Chapter 6:** Waking

"Yeah? So?" Olivia huffed up the stairs juggling her cell in one hand and her dry cleaning in the other. One of the benefits of getting –or rather being forced to take– the day off was that Liv could run some much needed errands. "That's great Elliot. Do we know what it's for? …Well, does _he_ know?" Elliot's canned voice chirped in her ear. The meeting with Lucy Maguire went well. It was painful, but it helped.

"It left us with a lot of unanswered questions, but at least we know what to ask." Elliot had said of their meeting. "Cabot was a champ. You know how she can be…well…an ice queen? None of that. I thought she was possessed or something! Liv, not even you could've done better." He quickly added, "and that's saying something!"

Olivia laughed into the phone, "Nice save. I'm glad everything went so well." Liv didn't know if she was more disappointed that she hadn't been there for such an important development in the case or relieved that she didn't have to be in the room while Lucy recounted her relationship with Tawny. "Well, I'll be backMonday and we can pay a visit to Maureen Deacon's lawyer to see what the mystery key unlocks. We…hang on a sec Elliot, I've got another call."

She reached her floor and took a moment to catch her breath. As she pulled the phone away from her ear to check the caller ID something caught her eye. There was someone sitting outside her door. That someone had a phone to their ear…and looked a lot like "Alex!" Olivia just about dropped everything in her arms. She was startled. Pleased, but definitely startled. "El, I'll call you back she called into her phone before snapping it shut.

"You're lucky that was me on the other line just now, or whoever it was would be very disappointed right now." Alex greeted Olivia with a smug grin as she rose awkwardly to her feet. "Here, let me take something" Alex reached for Olivia's dry cleaning while the detective snapped her phone to her belt and pulled out her keys.

Alex seemed oddly out of place, out of her usual power suits and wrestling the dry cleaning from Liv. She seemed so...normal.Alex was in her weekend wear, a look the squad was not privy to unless there was an urgent, unexpected call. It was a look Olivia liked on the younger blonde.She was in relaxed, well-worn jeans that hugged her thighs with the slightest flare mid-calf. She wore a navy three-quarter length shirt with a neckline plunging low enough to show the top of a white undershirt in the cradle of its V. Her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail and a few telltale wisps fell across her face.

"How long have you been sitting out here?" The dark-haired detective cocked an inquisitive eyebrow. Alex had come to see her. Her leapt and she quickly had to quiet it out of fear that the other woman would hear how loud it was now beating. "Not too long, I hope." She pushed open the door and took the dry cleaning from Alex and tossed it over the back of the couch. She then pulled the blinds, it was dark outside and the streetlights were guttering, flickering to life on the street.

"Nah, only a few minutes. I was actually glad you weren't here. I needed a little time to collect my thoughts. It's been a long day." Alex sighed and all of a sudden she looked very tired. She brought her hand to her head and gently massaged her right temple. Olivia motioned to the bar stools at the kitchen counter. Alex sidled up to the island, and after sitting, propped her elbows up and cradled her chin in her hands. She let her posture slacken and let out a deep sigh.

Olivia took a moment to look over the rather melancholic woman seated before her. Alex stared of into the distance as if trying to wrap her head around some far off idea. Her shoulders were slumped her brows knit. Something was obviously not sitting right with this woman, Olivia could tell. "So what can I do for you counselor? I know you didn't just come for the sparkling conversation, and based on my track record the last few days, who could blame you."

At this Alex gave a weak smile, "Though I do admire your…somewhat covert sense of wit, it is, sadly, not why I came." Her face became serious once more. "My cover is that in my hurry, I seem to have forgotten my blazer, but my real reason is that I wanted to talk to you about the Davis case…and Lucy."

Olivia's face fell and she let out a deep sigh. She ran her fingers through her short brown hair and turned to the cabinets, rifling around for a few tumblers. "Can I get you something to drink, counselor? This may take a while." She pulled open the freezer and began cracking trays of ice, dislodging a few cubes and dropping them into the glasses with a hollow plink.

"Water's fine, Liv. Don't put yourself out." Olivia practically twitched inwardly at the ADA's use of her nickname. She sensed it was going to be another long night. Good thing it was a Friday and Elliot's turn to cover the Saturday shift. _Don't put myself out? Isn't that exactly what you're asking me to do?_ Olivia thought to herself pulling open the fridge and pouring water from a pitcher into the glasses on the counter. _She asked and I can't lie. Not to her. Gotta talk sometime I guess…_

"Liv!" Olivia snapped up upon hearing her name, as water overflowed from the glass she had been filling and splashed onto the counter and floor. "Here let me. You just go sit down, okay?" Alex jumped from the barstool and, grabbing the dishrag previously hanging on the oven handle bent down to catch the spill. She mopped up the water and poured out some of the excess. Making sure everything was dry, she noted that Olivia had gone into her bedroom, presumably to change. Alex grabbed an apple from a bowl on the counter and a small-ish knife from the chopping block behind her. She worked quickly and by the time Olivia had returned, she had prepared a decent spread of apples on a plate, which was resting with the water – on coasters, of course – on Olivia's antiqued coffee table.

Alex washed her hands and hung the dishtowel back on the stove to dry before sinking into the overstuffed, oxblood leather chair adjacent to the couch she slept on the previous evening. She kicked of her shoes and drew her legs into the chair, tucking them beneath her. Olivia looked on the spread and gave Alex aweak grin. She sat downin the dead center of the couch, _not too close to Alex, but not too far_, she said to herself. She took the tumbler in her hand and pressed it to her lips, taking a quick gulp of water before beginning what promised to be a very difficult conversation.

"Alex, I have to start by saying you're asking a lot." Olivia sensed Alex's movements and cut her of before she had a chance to speak. "I consider you a friend and I can't say that about many. I want to be honest with you, and I want desperately to trust you. I need to say what I need to say. It may be hard, but if you interrupt, I don't know if I can get through it. I know you know how close I am with the guys on the squad, but really Elliot is the only one that knows why this case is so hard for me and even he doesn't know the whole story."

Alex sat, rapt with attention. Olivia wouldn't look at her, she addressed Alex, but had kept her eyes straight forward until this moment, when she turned and looked Alex straight in the eye. They held one another's gaze for a long moment. Olivia looked down at her hands briefly. Alex could sense what was coming, and wanted so badly to reach out to Olivia. To tell her everything was alright, but she also knew that if she did, Olivia might retreat into herself. Alex held her tongue and tried to concentrate on Olivia: what she was saying and what she was feeling. Olivia took a breath and picked at her nails.

"I'm sure you already know this from talk around the office, seeing as the courthouse is a veritable law enforcement rumor mill, but it's important you hear it from me. Alex," Olivia met her eyes once more. "I'm gay." She winced at her own words. "I know it's no shock, but I have to explain something to you. To me, this is one of the most frightening concepts. I've never been afraid of who I love, but rather I've just given up on love altogether. Being gay was a complication that just stopped mattering, because if you didn't love, did it matter if it was a man or a woman not receiving that love?" Alex knew the question was rhetorical, and inside her heart was breaking for this woman before her.

"When you go so long without feeling any sort of passion or emotion, you forget who it was you used to feel it for. In essence, I stopped being gay simply because I stopped feeling. Oh it's true I did have a few flings here and there. I'm sure you heard about Cassidy, among others. But I never _felt_. I didn't care. It wasn't real to me." She sighed heavily. "I'd sleep with some guy, not because I wanted to, but simply to remind myself that I was alive.

"Lucy reminds me that I'm dead. She reminds me of the choice I made. Of everything I gave up. I loved once, and I lost. I know what it is to lose the woman you love. Her love was taken from her. Mine took herself from me. We both were robbed of love, Lucy and I.We were caught unawares. Her circumstance was brought about by forces out of her control, mine was through my own simple blindness. I lost my love to the job. My job became my only love. Lucy cannot love what took Tawny from her, but I can. I can love bringing criminals to justice. I can love protecting people who can feel what I could not. I can love that.

"Sometimes you convince yourself that all there is to life is the job, or your parter, or your captain. Things stop mattering. All you have left is the job, and the job becomes a shell, dead skin you shrug off, only to rebuild. I was a shell. I am a shell, but now I know there's something within that shell. I _am_. I _feel_ again. And…" Olivia drew in a long breath, "it's because of you, Alex."

"I'm gay Alex, but not because I love women, but rather because I love _at all_. And because…because I love you, Alex."

Alex blinked steadily as a single tear trailed down her cheek; she caught it on her fingertips, and rubbed them together in quiet contemplation. She wasn't sure of what to say, so she did the only thing she could think of. She rose from the chair as the leather creaked slightly and looked down at Olivia.

At this moment, Olivia's deep brown eyes flashed with fear. _What is she thinking? Is Alex leaving? What have I done?_ Alex stood poised, expressionless. Then in one fluid motion she was next to Olivia on the couch and her arms were softly enveloping the older woman. Alex held Olivia to her, drawing her in with all the strength she could muster. She allowed more tears to fall and mingle with the fabric covering Olivia's shoulder. "I've been waiting so long for you." Alex whispered into Olivia's neck and clutched at her strong shoulders. Olivia was confused and awestruck.

"What? Wait, Alex." She pulled Alex up from her shoulder and steadied her shoulders. Alex's hands rested on the detectives hips and her watery blue eyes met the intense brown of Olivia's. Alex raised a delicate hand to Olivia's face and traced the contours of her jaw line with soft fingers. She leaned in and, much to Olivia's surprise, placed a chaste kiss on the older woman's full lips. She drew back slowly and a smile crept across her lips; the detective's bewilderment was obvious. "Alex. I don't understand."

Alex said nothing, but leaned in once more to kiss the detective, this time much more passionately. She brought her hand to Olivia's neck, pulling her close and deepening the kiss. Olivia moaned into her and Alex used it to her advantage, her tongue darting between parted lips, demanding entrance to the detective's mouth. They breathed into one another and everything around them faded into black. Olivia felt as if her innards were a series of rusty gears, covered in dust and cobwebs and that they were – for the first time in years – lurching to life. She moaned once more and ran her tongue over the blonde woman's teeth. She couldn't believe what was happening. _Wait…she _really_ couldn't believe it_. She broke their contact and panting, tried tocatch her breath.

"Alex. We need to talk. This…" She looked at the woman before her, "this is going too fast. I don't want to pressure you. I need to know you're doing this because you want to, not because it's what you think I want. If that _is_ the case, we might both end up very _very_ hurt, and that's the last thing I want. For either of us."

It was Alex's turn to avoid Olivia's gaze. "Olivia, I may play it a little closer to the vest than you do. A woman in my position? With a political future? …People know_only_ what and when I want them to know. I want you to know. Olivia, I'm gay." She took Olivia's hand in hers. "Liz Donnely knows and other than that everyone else thinks…well, they just think I'm a bitch because I refuse to date any of the pretentious men in our office that have asked me out. The truth is, I won't go out with them because I'm in love with someone else." Alex smiled. It was a soft, sincere smile. Olivia almost melted, almost swooned. "Olivia, I've loved you for the longest time. I couldn't hope, couldn't dream that you…but here we are. I played games with you, trying to see if maybe there was a chance you might see me for who I am. Just a woman, hopelessly in love with an amazing detective."

Olivia's lips caught Alex's own and whatever further words the two might have shared were swallowed, pushed back into their throats by darting tongues. Olivia broke contact first. "Alex, I'm exhausted." She sighed, fingers dancing along Alex's neck. "Come to bed?"

"Olivia…" Alex looked uncertain. "I don't want this to go too fast. I want this to last." Olivia's heart leapt at Alex's statement.

"Alex! What a deeply scandalous thing it imply!" Olivia gave her famous lopsided grin, "I have no intention of being anything but innocent. Now that I know your feelings, I want to be near you as much as possible. That being said, I can't possibly send you into the uncertain Manhattan night. And as you well know, that couch can be uncomfortable counselor." Her face, though smiling, became serious. "Alex, I would like to think that we have time to take things slowly. I want this to last, too. And honestly the extent of my implications involved nothing more falling asleep in the arms of the woman I love. Honestly. Just talking. Now that I can be, I just want to be near you."

Alex smiled at Olivia. "Talking sounds nice. For now. For tonight." She took Olivia's hand and they walked to the bedroom. Alex sighed inwardly. If she had her way, Olivia's would be the last face she saw before she fell asleep and the first she saw upon waking for the rest of her life.

If only life were that simple. Unfortunately, theirs were not the only wheels in motion, and as they settled into one another and slowly drifted to sleep, Olivia's cell phone sprang to life on the kitchen counter. "WORK 911!" blinked across the screen, but its ringer was silent and as it vibrated and buzzed, the new lovers slept on, safe in one another's arms.


	7. Daylight Robbery

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**PS:** Sorry for the heinous delay, I'm hoping to have at least two more updates in the next month to make up for it.

**WINDOW **

**Chapter 7:** Daylight Robery

"Mghph…" Alex shifted slightly, opening her sleep-heavy eyelids. Somewhere she heard a familiar sound. What was it? She knew it… The sound was chipper and she knew that whatever it was making the sound would soon meet its untimely demise against a wall if it didn't stop. She took a moment to try and rouse herself from the sleepy haze she was in. An awareness of her own body slowly crept into her consciousness and she realized that for the first time in who knows how long, she was not alone upon waking. She could feel an arm wrapped, possessively around her torso, and a lithe leg draped across her thighs.

Olivia. She turned her head slightly and was met by the most beautiful sight. In the moonlight of the darkened room she could just make out the features of the beautiful woman whose face was mere inches from Alex's own. She could feel warm steady breathing tickling her neck, and had every intention of snuggling back into Olivia's embrace and drifting back to sleep. But then that infernal noise started again.

_Cell phone_ her brain finally volunteered. _Shit_. Alex shifted Olivia's arm slightly and slipped from between the sheets. As she did, the other woman stirred and murmured something indiscernible before curling into herself, sleeping on. Alex felt a smile tug at the corner of her lips and, straightening the borrowed pajamas, let her mind drift slowly back to what had transpired earlier that evening. _She loves me_. It was almost more than she could bear. The woman she had loved, in secret and for so long, had felt the same way. Had felt…

The muffled ringing started up again and she remembered why she had gotten up. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand; they had been asleep for about four hours. Alex crossed the short distance to the chair and, sifting through her clothes from the day before, found her prize.

_Aha!_ "Cabot, and this better be good!" She hissed into the phone as she walked into the living room, closing the door to the bedroom and her sleeping detective.

"Cabot! Where the hell are you? I've been trying to reach you for hours! Something's happened and we need your…legal assistance." Elliot barked into her ear. "Oh, and d'ya know where Liv is? You were the last to see her; did she tell you she had any plans? I've been calling and calling and there's no answer."

Alex almost choked on her words. _Of course I know where she is_. Instead she cleared her throat, "I'm sure she'll get back to you, she's probably just asleep. Maybe," she trailed off as she spied the detectives phone on the kitchen counter, "maybe her phone's just on silent." She walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone. Twelve missed calls. Alex sighed heavily, and swore under her breath.

"What was that? I didn't quite catch that counselor," Elliot's voice chirped, almost amused, in her ear. "Anyway, we need both of you ASAP." Back to business.

Elliot rattled off the details and Alex wrote down the address and the rest of the information on a notepad by the refrigerator and snapped her phone shut. So much for their plans for a good night's rest. Alex emotions were at once conflicted. She hated to wake the detective and have to experience this rather sudden reality check, but at the same time she realized that it could be worse.

If what Olivia had said was true, she had spent her life, thus far, in love with the job. At least Alex could share that with her now. She glanced down at her hastily scribbled notes. _At least we can go together. Maybe now I can help_. It's better than being with someone who didn't understand the late night phone calls, the emotional strain, and the stress of working with SVU. She could understand and empathize and, just now, Alex could think of no better gift to give the detective sleeping in the next room.

She picked up Olivia's phone and padded quietly back to the bedroom. Weighing her options she slid back between the sheets and pressed her body close to Olivia's. She watched with relish, as a faint smile played around the detective's lips and a bronzed arm absently wrapped around Alex's waist. She draped an arm over Olivia's shoulders and leaned in to kiss the sleeping woman on the cheek. Olivia stirred and Alex kissed her again, soft lips meeting, both chaste and rousing. Olivia's eyes remained closed, but Alex could feel strong arms envelop her as a hand found it's way to the back of her neck and drew her in to deepen the kiss. Alex could feel the detective smile against her lips and she pulled back, taking a moment to catch her breath.

"Cheater," she gasped. Olivia, now obviously awake, propped herself up on her elbow and gazed affectionately at the blonde. The smile Alex felt, rather than saw, was still present and Olivia's eyes danced.

"Morning," Liv said, her words heavy with sleep and newfound desire. "And I'm the cheater? So says the woman who caught me completely unawares." She raised an eyebrow and Alex sighed inwardly at the mere marvel that she was having this conversation, sitting in Olivia's bed.

"Well, it was either that or ambushing you with a pillow. I thought you'd appreciate my choice." Alex replied.

"Mmm." Olivia nodded, and glanced at the Alarm clock. It was barely past two in the morning and at the thought that there was a more pressing matter requiring her attention, her face fell and her smile was replaced with a look of concern.

Alex read Olivia's face and handed her the cell phone from the counter. "Elliot called. He needs us –both of us– to come in." Alex looked crestfallen and glanced down at her fingers, playing with the bed sheet. She felt soft fingers capture her chin and she raised her head as blue eyes met brown. Olivia leaned in and gave Alex a quick reassuring kiss.

"Hey, at least we can go together." Olivia gave Alex a lopsided grin. "Loving the job might not be so bad now; It's something I share with you. Sharing what I love with who I love makes life that much more bearable, wouldn't you say?"

Alex was touched by the older woman's sincerity, as she seemed to put a voice to Alex's thoughts. This was almost too good to be true. Her heart felt so full, she could hardly breathe. "Elliot gave me the address, I wrote everything down," she volunteered. She watched as Olivia swung her legs around and off the bed then came over to stand before Alex. The detective reached down and pulled the ADA up and into a firm embrace.

"I know this is a bit of a reality check, but I just want you to know, it doesn't change anything." Olivia pulled back from their embrace and tucked a loose piece of blonde hair behind her lover's ear. "Don't ever forget that, and don't ever doubt this…" Olivia trailed off as she brushed her lips to those of the beautiful blonde before her. Time seemed to slip away and as Alex demanded entrance to Olivia's mouth, her knees weakened and she fell back on the bed. Olivia's eye's widened as she was pulled, surprised, onto the bed, still wrapped in Alex's arms.

They both laughed and attempted to catch their breath. Alex reveled in this new feeling of happiness. Happy, she was happy. She released Olivia and stretched on the bed, contemplating this new revelation. She couldn't remember the last time she was truly content.

Olivia, still chuckling and lying half on top of the lithe woman beneath her pushed herself up onto her elbow. She gazed at the statuesque features of the ADA who seemed to be lost in some amusing thought. "Hey," She offered, "what are you thinking about?"

"Aside from the fact that if we keep this up, we're never going to make it in," Olivia subconsciously licked her lips, and she raised an eyebrow at the prospect of spending more time with Alex in their current situation, "I was thinking that this is the first time in an unbelievably long time that I can remember being happy. I mean _really_ happy. It's amazing… and a little frightening." She paused and pushed herself up as Olivia shifted, letting her up. Alex sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the ceiling. She waited a moment before meeting Olivia's eyes with a look of soft contentment. "How can this feel so right? How is it that you're sitting here, with me? Wanting me. How can I be so lucky?"

Olivia looked, amazed, at the blonde woman sitting next to her. She was dumbfounded. She had been asking herself these same questions, wrapped in Alex's arms waiting to drift to sleep. It was startling to hear her own thoughts tumbling from another's mouth. She moved to speak when the phone resting on her nightstand sprang to life. She glanced, lovingly, at Alex, "We're not finished here, and there's more to be said." She reached for the phone and flipped it open. "Benson, and this better be good!" she barked into the phone.

"Whoa! You been taking lessons from the Cabot school of phone etiquette?" It was Elliot.

"Ha ha ha." She shot back sarcastically. "Yeah, I heard… I have all the info… Cabot cabbed over when I didn't answer… cause _she_ cares… yeah yeah yeah… Look, we'll be there soon… Nah it was on silent… hey, you know what you can do with that phone of yours…" She said menacingly. Laughter shortly followed and she concluded her conversation with her partner and snapped the phone shut. "Sorry, looks like we have to cut this conversation short. But we'll come back to it, if you're willing." She brushed Alex's cheek with her thumb and followed its path with a quick kiss. Her heart fluttered as it did every time she kissed the younger woman. The sensation of simply being able to kiss Alex made Olivia's heart turn summersaults. "I'm going to hop in the shower, you're welcome to anything here, what's mine is yours. Oh and you're welcome to the shower, too; I'll be done in a few."

With that she left Alex alone. Alex fell back onto the bed once more, sprawling out. This was all happening so fast. She felt like laughing, crying and singing all at once. She felt like a teenager in love.

* * *

Exactly twenty three minutes later, both women stepped from a yellow cab to be greeted by Olivia's partner. He seemed flustered. Olivia drew her jacket tighter around her and caught Alex's eye. It was going to be a long day and it had only barely begun. 

"So El, where are we? And why so cryptic on the phone?" Olivia asked glancing around. She could see steps to the apartment building between the team of unis huddled on the sidewalk, next to a parked ambulance, their breath puffing as they spoke in hushed tones. There was broken glass and the intercom had been smashed in.

"There was a break in, Liv. I didn't tell you what it was because I wanted you to come. I knew you might not if… It's Lucy. Her apartment." Elliot looked from Olivia to Cabot, finding it easier to meet the gaze of the stoic blonde than that of his stunned partner, "it was ransacked. They broke in while she was asleep, One of them came into her room… woke her up." He paused and Alex asked him to continue. "He wasn't counting on her having a gun under her pillow. He tried to rape her and she shot him. She shot him and called 911. The second perp ran when he heard the gunshot. Neighbors saw him jump from the bottom of the fire escape." He looked at his hands and brought them to his mouth, blowing hot breath through clasped fingers.

Alex rubbed her temple and glanced at Olivia who looked both shocked and enraged as she scowled at the ground. It seemed like she was watching the scene play out in her head. Her fingers curled into two tight fists and she shook her head. Aside from her rage at the break in, how could Elliot lie to her? How could he think that she would ever put her own comfort before the safety of a victim? How could... Just then, the detective felt a gentle had wrapped lithe fingers around her clenched fist. She and Alex were close enough that no one could see this comforting contact. Olivia blew out a frustrated breath. She relaxed her shoulders and slackened the clenched fingers. There were more important things tho focus on now. Alex gave her hand a squeeze before breaking the contact. Oliva cleared her head and took another breath.

"Where-"

"Where's Lucy?" Alex cut Olivia off, unintentionally. Elliot motioned to the ambulance, sirens silenced, with red lights spinning wildly. She saw the petite redhead wrapped in a blanket with a mug of coffee steaming up a pair of horn-rimmed glasses framed by wildly tangled hair. Alex started away from the detectives when she felt a strong grip on her arm. She turned to see not Benson, but Stabler's hand wrapped around her forearm. Her look was quizzical. Elliot drew her close and ignoring his partner's blatant look of shock, he leaned in, close to Alex's ear.

"Be extra careful with her, she's fragile and we're going to have to put her on 'round the clock watch, just to make sure she stays alive." Alex understood. Lucy was going to be put on suicide watch. She nodded slowly and was about to break free of Elliot when he added, "Normally we wouldn't need you here, and I know I said we had 'legal issues'…" That's not entirely true," Alex eye's narrowed. She was confused, "Lucy asked for you... She won't talk, Alex. She says she'll only talk to you. I'm sorry to put you in this position, but it looks like you're on our side for now."

Alex's eyes widened, she had always had contact with victims, but it had been limited to legal counsel and prep for the stand. How would she handle herself, what should she say? Especially in this instance, with such delicate subject matter... Lucy touched something within the blonde and Alex she wasn't quite sure the nature of what the girl unearthed. Alex sympathized with her, but also, she was afraid of her. Lucy had lost the woman she loved. How could she help Lucy cope with such serious pain when she herself felt like flying? Alex broke free of Elliot's grip and wandered toward Lucy, who became immediately alert upon seeing the ADA. As an afterthought she turned back to the Detectives.

"Don't forget, I've always been on your side and always will be!"

Upon later reflection, sitting in the back of the department sedan, arm draped around Lucy, stoic and numb, Alex didn't know if she said that more for Elliot or Olivia, or whether it even mattered. So much can change in the course of an hour.


	8. Where Did We Go Right?

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**PS:** Sorry for the heinous delay, kids. Life happens!

**WINDOW  
Chapter 8: **Where Did We Go Right?**  
**

Alex thumbed the strike on her gunmetal Zippo and watched the flame sputter. She saw the gas from the flame ripple the scenery beyond as the smell of it swirled its way into her nostrils. She looked down at the cigarette crushed between the fingers in her left hand and simply couldn't find the strength to bring it to her lips. Instead she just focused on the flame. Small and bright and volatile. Her phone rang and she snapped the lighter closed with a metallic clap.

"Cabot," she had flipped open her phone, letting the broken cigarette fall from her hand. She listened, murmuring into the phone every so often. "Yeah, I'm sitting outside the hotel." Alex listened to the canned voice on the other line. "No, she's still shaken up. She just got to sleep... I'm staying in the adjoining room next door for the night," she paused and almost laughed. "No, I will not steal the hotel soaps for you." Leave it to detective Stabler to try and make light of Alex's current situation. "Thanks Elliot, and tell you partner... I don't know. Tell her to call me."

Alex snapped her phone shut and leaned against the railing of her tiny hotel balcony. She had been leaning on it for the last hour trying to smoke a cigarette. Just one, to calm her nerves. But all she had been doing was watching the cars, the people and the flame flicker and die. She gazed over to the next balcony, into the hazy glow of faint light from adjoining room. It had been two days since the shooting at Lucy's and Alex was exhausted. Lucy had calmed down considerably and, to the casual observer, might even come off as relaxed. But Alex had heard her in the night, her cried muffled, but present, through their shared wall. Alex would quietly open her suite door and slip silently into Lucy's room – Lucy always left her own adjoining door open so Alex could come and go as she needed – trying to calm the girl as she thrashed in her sleep.

The young red-head was now sitting inside, on the bed, unwinding and re-winding a skein of yarn. She had told Alex that she liked to knit, that it calmed her down. But all Lucy had managed to do so far was unravel the yarn and wrap it into a perfect ball, over and over again. The yarn was a deep ultramarine blue and there where bits of it floating about the room from where the yarn had been worked over too many times. Alex noticed a tiny ball of bight blue fuzz clinging to the arm of her black sweater and picked it off, watching it float in the breeze, up and into the night.

Alex let her thoughts drift to Oliva, to whom she had not talked since the night of the attempted shooting. Alex was busy with Lucy and apparently Liv was obsessed with the case, to the point of excluding all else. Alex didn't mind this so much, but she did want to talk to Liv, to hear her voice. The closest she'd come to having contact with Liv the last few days was signing off on, and then petitioning a judge to sign off on, a warrant Liv had sent over so the squad could search a safety deposit box, corresponding to the mystery key in Lucy and Tawny's apartment.

* * *

"Geez, Liv." Fin looked across the dimly room to see Benson working, illuminated by a single desk lamp. "Take a few hours at home or up in the crib if you have to. You look like hell." He crossed the room and placed a tentative hand on his colleague's shoulder. Normally, Olivia shrank from unwanted contact, but she practically leaned into it, she was so tired.

"Thanks." She replied, a sigh dragging her speech from her lips. "I'll catch a few in the crib." Fin nodded and turned to leave. Olivia shuffled the papers on her desk and tapped them until they were straight. She then grabbed her coat and bag and climbed the stairs to the crib. She hadn't been home since she and Alex had slept side by side and couldn't bear the thought of going home to her empty apartment. Sure, Alex had only been there for a night, but her presence had flooded the rooms, deep into every corner. Olivia knew if she tried to sleep in her bed alone, she would be plagued by thoughts of Alex, her soft fragrance lingering on the pillow. Invading Olivia's thoughts and filling her dreams with longing.

She couldn't bear it and she felt guilty. The guilt stemmed from the fact that she would rather have Alex with her than allow Lucy the comfort Alex provided. She knew what had to be done and that the victim always came first and, up till now, she had no problem with complying, often going above and beyond to provide care and comfort. But she couldn't help her selfish, subconscious, desire for Alex. And on the very edges of that guilt there was the faintest tinge of jealously. She knew it was ridiculous, but Olivia was a bit, well, jealous that Lucy was occupying all of Alex's time. Hadn't they had a revelatory night? Didn't they love each other? Had that night actually happened? Or was it merely some fever dream that ended with gunshots in the home of one Lucy Maguire?

It was all just happening too fast. They had leapt too early and now Olivia felt she was free falling. The feeling wasn't unfamiliar and she didn't trust herself to act rationally in light of its presence. She needed to talk to Alex, but Alex was occupied with Lucy and the case. _So at this point_, Liv thought as she slid her shoes of and nudged her bag under the sparsely made up bunk, _all I can do is catch the bad guy_. Secure Lucy's safety and she could have Alex back. Easier said than done, but she was driven, obsessed. If solving this case meant some much needed time with Alex, then Olivia would stop at nothing to see justice served. Yes, her motives were less than pure, but they ultimately served a greater purpose, in addition to her own. Liv sighed and flopped down on the bed. She sprawled out and sunk into the mattress, letting her mind spin into oblivion as she fell into a restless, dreamless sleep.

* * *

"Hey" Alex stood in the doorway of the adjoining rooms, arms crossed, leaning on the doorjamb.

Lucy looked up from the tangled pile of yarn in her lap. "Hey." She began picking at the pile, finding the knots and then pulling them loose. "Nice work on that cigarette. When did you quit?"

"Last month, how did you know?" Alex raised an eyebrow at the girl who seemed engrossed in the bright blue yarn in her lap.

"Tawny's brother would crash with us on the nights her step-dad beat him up or kicked him out. We used to live with Mark till he ran out of cash, then he moved back in with Paul and Maureen. Poor kid was only sixteen when he moved out the first time, he lived off money his mum gave him until it ran out. We would've helped more, but we were in the same predicament." Lucy sighed, though Alex couldn't tell if it was over the story or a particularly tricky knot she was fiddling with. "Anyway he and Tawny used to sit on the porch and 'not smoke' for hours. They both quit after Maureen's first cancer screening." Alex listened intently, from the doorway and nodded. She then took a few steps into the room.

"I've perfected the art of a non-smoking smoke break, myself. Um... Can I come in?" Alex asked tentatively, unfolding her arms.

"Sure. You know, you don't have to ask." Lucy said without looking up from her fingers, "And anyway, you come in all the time without asking. I hear you at night." Alex looked opened her mouth to defend her actions. "I'm sorry, that was rude. I don't mean to sound accusatory. I know you're just trying to help." Lucy motioned for Alex to come and sit on the edge of the bed then went back to her tangles. "And it does help," she added as Alex sat down delicately so as not to disturb Lucy's work.

Alex haphazardly fished around and found one end of the yarn pile; she twisted it around her fingers while she talked. "I am. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable; I was only trying to calm you down. You sleep so fitfully, and sometimes you cry out." Alex looked at the yarn, now twisted around the fingers of her left hand. She picked at it, trying to free her captured fingers when she felt the cool brush of Lucy's fingers against her cheek. She started and raised her eyes to meet those of the young girl before her. Lucy was so young. Her auburn hair was pulled back in the blunt ponytail Alex had grown accustomed to seeing. Lucy's bangs were swept to the side and fell across her face. Her freckles, dusting the bridge of her nose and the apples of her cheeks, stood out against her pale, ivory skin. And Lucy's eyes shone luminous and emerald behind the black frames and panes of her glasses.

"I know. I dream that I'm alone and then I wake up and find that my worst nightmare has come true." Lucy made soft circles with her fingertips and traced Alex's jaw-line. Alex almost leaned into the touch, but instead she remained stiff and a bit shell-shocked at the blatant, intimate contact. Her mind flashed to Olivia as Lucy continued to speak. "And then you're there. When I'm so afraid to be alone. When my fear is almost too great. You speak soft words and brush my hair back." Lucy pushed a loose strand of silver blonde behind Alex's ear and Alex swallowed. Hard. "It's like…" Lucy paused, "Imagine being fed the same thing for years. You come to rely on it. It sustains you. Then one day this life sustaining whatever just vanishes. And all you have is emptiness, hunger and fear." Lucy shifted and brushed Alex's chin tilting the blonde's head a bit closer to her own. "Then someone comes to care for you, someone who alleviates your fear, who understands your hunger for sustenance. You _do_ understand, don't you?" Lucy's gaze was serious and all Alex could do was nod slightly.

Alex could feel the soft touch of fingertips trailing down her neck and grazing her collarbone. Her head was foggy and a voice deep within shouted something indeterminable. She closed her eyes, trying to gain some focus, when suddenly, there was the unmistakable pressure of Lucy's lips on her own. The fingers that had been tracing the lines of her collarbone were now woven through the hair at the nape of her neck and she was being pulled into a deepening, passionate, desperate kiss.


	9. Cloak & Dagger

**DISCLAIMER:** Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

**PS:** Sorry for the heinous delays, kids. Life happens!

**PPS:** Reviews, gotta love 'em, I know I do!

**WINDOW **

**Chapter 9:** Cloak & Dagger

Olivia woke with a start. Something shook her awake and she scrambled to sit upright, almost hitting her head on the upper bunk. The crib was empty, quiet. Motionless. She was alone. Perhaps it had been a dream that woke her, but she couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that had drawn her from her sleep. She fell back down on the bunk and folded her hands behind her head, staring blankly at the tight pattern of springs forming the bunk overhead. She breathed deeply and tried to bring her thoughts back around to the case.

These were the facts: Tawny Davis had been murdered by at least two men. Their prints were left in blood all over the scene, dressed to look like an unconvincing suicide, but they were not in the system. They left Tawny's body in a hotel room rented under a pseudonym often used by a high-ranking, low-life political kingpin. Two… almost three nights ago shots were fired at Lucy's home at intruders attempting to find…

Olivia drew a blank. What were they looking for?

She let the facts wash over her, hoping to pick out whatever might be missing. Maybe they'd find some answers in the mystery safety deposit box that matched the key Lucy had surrendered to them. Liv and Elliott were going to the bank in a few hours with warrant in hand ready to unmask whatever mystery was rattling her cage.

Even Liv's dreams had fallen plague to her obsession, and visions of Tawny on the slab lingered, winding their way through her dreams and waking life. Each time her eyes closed, Olivia found herself back in the morgue; she'd pull back the sheet to reveal the wall-eyed girl, the limp, dark hair hanging over the edge, the pale gray tinge of skin; then suddenly Tawny's hair would shimmer silver blonde, the eyes would flash ice blue and Olivia would wake with a start.

Alex had often haunted the detective's dreams, but in the past she'd wake feeling warm and hopeful, rather than terse and frightened. Olivia turned over onto her side and curled into herself. She missed Alex, and wished they could talk or touch. Anything to replace these dark thoughts of the detective's in-between hours. Brighter musings over the absent blonde carried Olivia into a brief but peaceful, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Alex paced in the hotel room, not knowing what to do or who to call. She couldn't even decide how she was feeling! What was this fluttering in her stomach? Fear? Joy? Guilt? She didn't know how to even begin to process what just happened. She simply let it happen. She touched her lithe fingers to her lips and recalled the touch of Lucy's on her own. As soon as she did it was not Lucy's, but another woman's face consuming her thoughts. Why had she just sat there and let herself be kissed. Was she so untrue and cowardly? She should have said no or stop. But she couldn't hurt Lucy that way. To wound such a fragile human being with further rejection. She rejected Lucy... didn't she? Shouldn't she?

There was no question that any further actions, other than backtracking and complete professionalism, should be strictly avoided. But why was she so willing to do otherwise? Was she so starved for contact? Was Lucy just a poor substitute for what she really needed? Alex mulled over these and many more questions as she pulled her cell phone from the pocket of her slacks and hit the speed dial. She shook her head, ashamed and frustrated and waited through the ringing and the tell-tale pickup. "Alex?"

"George, I'm sorry to bother you so late at night, but I didn't know who else to call. I'm not sure what's happening," Alex hissed into her cell phone. She was alone in her hotel room, the adjoining door locked and latched. "I'm –" Alex paused, "I don't know, I don't know what to do."

"Alex, it's all right. Take a breath," Dr. George Huang, moments earlier, had been roused by the ringing of his cell phone. Now, he was talking to a flustered ADA, trying to cull a complete sentence from a string of frantic exclamations. "Do you need me to meet you? Are you alright? Are you safe?"

Alex stuttered, "Y-yes. I'm fine. Maybe not fine. Safe, yes. Fine?" Alex could almost feel the words fall from her lips; they had a palpable sting. She was angry and confused and overwhelmed and worried and–

"Take a deep breath," George coaxed, "slow and deep."

Alex took a moment and inhaled, taking in a breath of desperately needed air. Then, before she could take stock of her emotions, her panic got the better of her, "She kissed me!"

Dr. Huang faltered and waited to see how and if Alex was going to continue. He wasn't quite sure how to proceed at this juncture. He wasn't sure what might be upsetting Alex the most: the fact that she was kissed by another woman, who that woman was, what might be implied by such an action or Alex's own mixture of feelings regarding all of the above. George simply waited.

"I think something must be wrong. It's too soon." Alex exclaimed. "Not me, please not me. I have…" Alex slowed to carefully choose her next word. She weighed her options, and though she trusted the good doctor, so decided to adopt a bit of anonymity. "…someone. I have someone. She can't. She just can't. Not me."

George spoke in soft, dulcet tones. "Alex, are you talking about Lucy?" He took her silence as confirmation. "I see."

"I have someone," Alex repeated, "Someone I wanted. Want!" she corrected herself, "Someone I want. I was caught off guard, trying to take care, and she… she was there, so fast. So fast. I didn't stop her. I feel so stupid. She kissed me, and in my head I thought, 'I don't want this.' But I couldn't stop, didn't push her away. I felt like the rejection would crush her. It was wrong."

"Alex, I know this must be confusing for you. Often victims who have suffered great loss look for comfort in ways we don't understand. Lucy has been missing the love she was once shown and may have likened your kind acts to the care and affection she was shown by her partner. By caring for her- about her well being -you aligned yourself with a strong feeling of love, that she's desperately missing."

"So I'm just a substitute, a stand in." Alex murmured to herself. "She doesn't know what she's done... What do I do? I don't want this. How do I say… without causing her pain or embarrassment."

George sighed. "Alex, may I ask, were you upset that you were kissed by someone of the same gender, or frustrated that Lucy pursued this unwanted advance?"

A sigh whistled in the doctors ear "George, I didn't stop her. Lucy. I didn't push her away. I let her kiss me. It's not that she's a woman," Alex almost hesitated, but if anyone would understand, George would. "believe me, it's not. But I didn't stop her. Maybe I didn't want to. I didn't think I wanted this. I don't." Alex breathed into the receiver and pushed an errant strand of hair off her face. "She's… we're… I thought I knew how I felt about things, George. What if I'm wrong. About everything."

* * *

Olivia had been at her desk for a few hours, poring over the case files when Elliot snatched her up fore their field trip to the bank. Now they were waiting for some suit to retrieve the safety deposit box from the safe. Olivia was tapping the pen chained to the bank desk and driving Elliot to the brink of insanity. "Liv!"

Elliot snapped his fingers in front of her face and she ceased her incessant tapping. "Thatta girl. Now, what's on your mind?" Elliot had seen the change in his partner: her sleepless dedication to this case, her avoidance of her own apartment and her violent subject changes at any mention of their ADA. He didn't want to push his partner, but she needed someone to lean on before she came apart at the seams and Elliot took it upon himself to be that person. Olivia looked at him quickly before her head snapped in the direction of the bank peon with the safety deposit box. Elliot let the evasion slide for now and turned to receive their newly acquired evidence.

Olivia crowded him and she pried open the metal box. Olivia gasped at its contents: neat stacks of crisp hundred dollar bills, what looked like letters, a signed note and a photograph of a young Maureen Deacon with newly appointed New York Supreme Court Justice, Torrence Blakely. Olivia stared blankly at the photograph, trying to connect dots that weren't forming any sort of picture. She knew that Torrence Blakely had recently won the election and had then used his political sway to swing Randall Newsome into the political spotlight. Blakely was Newsome's Rabbi; his protector and his stepping-stone.

"Liv! Look at this letter! Maureen had a non-disclosure contract with Blakely, it's right here." Elliot shuffled the letters, trying to find some sort of clues for the contract, now lying open on the desk. "There's also a letter from Newsome... Liv. Before she died, Tawny's mother was blackmailing both of them." Elliot looked up at his partner. "This letter is a death threat made against her family."


End file.
